MH - Judai Happy Never After

Judai walked home from that final evening, which again she had spent skipping school. Going to Norwood seemed absolutely  pointless ever since she had learned the truth. It had been a month since she was made aware of the true nature of witches and magis and those wretched incubators.

Dai hated herself for actually understanding the incubators motivations, they didn't know how humans worked.
How they really worked. And they didn't see them as equals, so it wasn't that surprising they wouldn't treat them as such. She sure as hell didn't feel equal to them, she thought to herself.
She regretted a lot of her choices. Fighting witches by herself, not telling her family about her powers, spending so much time on that damn blog of hers instead of actually going out and talking to people other than her siblings and most of all her horribly, horribly selfish wish.
She came from a poor family with an overworked dad, why didn't she just wish for a better existence for all of them?
She as a magi -a rather incompetent magi- wouldn't be able to enjoy that existence herself for that long, but at least she would die happy. Instead she had wished for arms to aid herself in doing mostly useless stuff that would make life easier for her and nobody else. After all it's not like her family was allowed to see the shit she could do with her hair. 

Now she started thinking about it, she did actually use her abilities quite a lot to help her siblings and her dad, and sometimes even friends but for some reason just thinking about the good things she had done as a magi made her feel worse, as if she was trying to justify her inherently selfish behaviour. 

She didn't want to despair. She knew that she had to be close, since she had been avoiding battles for a while now and it seemed impossible to see anything in a positive light recently. She hadn't looked at her soul gem for the longest time. She felt in her pocket, where she had kept it ever since she found out about the witches, unwilling to wear it on her finger as some sort of slave ring anymore, and felt the faint glow in her hands. She had always found it strange how, when she held the gem in her hands, she could feel something moving, as if it was alive. But the movement didn't feel as strong as it used to. In fact it felt so weak, like a tiny animal preparing to die soon. Why did I do this to myself? I don't want to die yet!

Judai felt the tears burning in her eyes and clasped her free hand around her mouth to smother the loud whimper she couldn't surpress while sharply breathing in.   

She felt the hot tears streaming down her cheeks, unable to keep them in. The pain in her chest from trying to keep the sadness inside grew larger and she felt grateful for it. 

They made her feel alive. 

Strong emotions seemed to be stronger than the monotone despair she had been falling into, whatever emotions they may be. 

"Dai? Is that you?" Judai flinched when she heard someone say her name behind her. "Ah, duh, of course it's you. Who else'd have such crazy hair." She felt a hand slap her shoulder. She didn't have to look to know it was her brother Yumiel. "You weren't in school today, the headmaster took me and and Ki apart cos apparently you haven't been to school in weeks? Where have you been Dai...? Wait, are you crying?" 

"Oh, so you noticed," Dai retorted. Yumiel had always been a little slow when it came to people's emotions. She angrily wiped the tears off her face. Her cheeks had become red and felt raw against her sleeve. 

"Well it's kinda hard to tell with all that hair in your face. What happened? Let's walk home together okay?" Yumiel looked around. "Or we could go sit over there, if you don't want to go home and uh, would rather talk about what's bothering you without the whole family knowing or.. something." It was sweet of him to show such concern, especially considering dealing with other people's feelings was one of his weak points. 

"It's fine. Let's walk home." Quietly they walked home. His hand felt warm on her shoulder. The shoulder that wasn't actually part of her anymore. 

Was this it? Was this really how she wanted to go? To just die in her father's home without saying goodbye to anyone? Probably sucking her entire family into despair with her after she had become a witch? She tightly held the gem in her hand and felt it beating. 

No, she had to say goodbye. To her family. They were all she had left. She had befriended too many magi who had died shortly after Dai had grown fond of them. 

The ones left could be the ones who freed her from despair and used her grief seed to expand their own lives. 

She took the gem out of her pocket and took a good, long look at it, for the first time in a long while. It had darkened considerably but she could still see something moving inside. Like a tiny slither of hope. 

"...The hell's that?" She looked at her brother and saw him looking at the gem with a furrowed brow.

"That's my soul. It does magic." Dai said in a serious tone, very much unlike her normal way of speaking.
Yumiel simply looked at her with a dumbfounded look, then decided the street lantern under which they passed was in need of inspecting. 

Judai smiled. What a loveable, awkward idiot.

She looked at the gem again. There should be enough left of her soul to tell her family goodbye properly. Enough to say goodbye to them, then run off into the woods or wherever there weren't any people where she could turn into despair itself in peace.

So that was her final plan. 

When she got home, she first went upstairs to cut her hair, get rid of those silly bangs. She then leaned out of her door and shouted "Yumiel, Ki, Yeo, Ammon, Aten, Horus, put on something nice, we're going out to dinner!" After closing the door she heard a knock on it a few minutes later, and unsurprisingly it was her dad standing in the doorway. "What are you talking about: W're going out to dinner? I thought you were gonna cook, Dai. I don't know about you but I can't afford to take seven kids and myself out to eat for no reason."

"Well," Dai spoke, as she turned to face her dad with a compact in her hand, "I can. And there is a good reason, dad." 

Her dad paused for a minute. 

"Did.. I forget about the occassion?" He turned a little red. With such a busy household it was hard to keep track of accomplishments and special occassions of everyone who slept under his roof. It seemed he didn't even think to ask Dai where she got the money, probably forgetting she didn't have a job at all.

Dai shook her head. "I'll tell you when we get there. Can you drive us? I wanna go to a fancy place in the rich people district." She smiled and her dad closed the door behind him, confused, but not wanting to ask questions.

The Daii family looked like a mess as they arrived at the fanciest restaurant the city had to offer. The girls wore dresses that clashed terribly with each other and only two of the boys were wearing suits, whereas Aten and Horus, the youngest, were just wearing shirts with one of their dads ties tied over it. Judai didn't care. In fact, she loved the sight of it. The loud colours and heavy dissonance with their surroundings just fit her family perfectly. 

She beamed as they walked inside and she saw how her siblings gawked at everything around them, not used to such fanciness. 

They were seated and when they looked at the card she saw her father cringe but she told him they could order whatever, she had taken care of it. Which she had. 

She wasn't very hungry herself, not capable of enjoying food much anymore, but seeing her family sit together and enjoying themselves so much was enough for her. 

"Are you dating the owner of the restaurant's kid or something?" Her sister Yeo asked. Dai grinned but didn't answer. "I knew it!" Yeo said. "What are they like? Are they super dreamy? Can I see them?" 

"Just finish your dessert," Judai laughed. 

As they got ready to leave Judai knew it was time. She didn't want to lose this moment, this was the last thing she wanted to remember. "Wait!" she shouted as she saw Yumiel walking towards the exit. He turned around with a suprised expression, and his eyes widened a little more when Judai suddenly hugged him. He patted her on the back, a little astonished. "What did I deserve this for?" He asked chuckling. 

"You're a good kid, Bear, don't let anyone tell you different." She smiled at him and let go. She hugged all of her siblings and tried to tell them something encouraging or give them a bit of advice, her youngest brother rolling his eyes as she did because, obviously, he was too cool and old for this sort of stuff. Finally she reached her father. The man who had taken care of her for the past sixteen years, most of it by himself. "This was really nice of you Judai. But I shouldn't be surprised, you've always been very caring. It's made things a little easier for me." He bowed slightly. "Thank you, dear." She felt tears prick behind her eyes but she didn't want his last memory of hers to be of her crying. So she hugged him and pressed her face into his coat in an effort to keep the tears in. "Thanks for everything!" She said to no one specifically. "If you'll excuse me for a second, I need to go somewhere." 

She hurried at the door before anyone could ask her questions, then without looking around shouted "I'll miss you!" and with that, she ran out the door.

She ran and ran til her feet hurt, then stopped to take off those godawful heels and ran some more. She finally got to a park. It wasn't a forest, but it was big and full of large trees. It was near the Bellingham school grounds so of couse it was very gaudy looking with a giant gate and lots of fountains and statues. 

She walked away from the path as far as she could, feeling the branches and occasional thorns rip up her tights and coat, but she didn't care. She felt a strong heat on her back, so hot it almost felt like as if something was trying to burn through it. She kneeled in a little clearing and took out her soulgem. The only light left in it shone through a small crack, like a crescent moon in the dark of night. She tried to think of her family, the bright red and yellow hues of the restaurant that contrasted so starkly with the black and teal around her. The warmth that they had radiated when she had hugged them. She smiled so hard, so painfully as she felt her blackened soul burst out of her husk of a body, ready to take on it's final form. 

Please, don't let me hurt anyone, her final thought as she collapsed in the withered autumn leaves.